Benjamin

One of my goals of this blog was to "scrapbook" the events and happenings of our lives, especially the kids since I am not one to sit down and put photos in decorative and elegant albums. I do, however, keep special things from the kids and my husband and I do plan on putting them in an album for each kid. It will not be a "Creative Memories" album by any means. I was able to "write" to Payton on the acutal day of her birth, but I neglected to do so with Benjamin. On the night of his birthday, Eli was getting sick and I ended up having to take him to the ER for trouble with breathing and vomiting. Needless to say, I wasn't thinking about updating my blog when I got home at 12:30 in the morning. But this post is about my sweet, first-born son - Roy Benjamin Pearson V.

You were born on Saturday, September 24, 2005 at 11:30(ish) in the morning - during the Arkansas/Alabama game (which we lost). I went into labor with you on Friday night at 9:30. I will never forget it. Your dad, sister and I were across the street at Mr. Matt's house and I just felt yucky. I didn't really think it was "it" because you weren't due for another 13 days. Your due date was October 6th - my 30th birthday. We came home, put Payton to bed and then sat down to watch some TV. I had my first contraction around 9:30. It wasn't painful, but it was definite. So much so that we started timing them. We knew that labor could be a really long process so we weren't too nervous about rushing to the hospital - especially since we weren't sure it was the real thing. Your dad went to bed to get a little bit of rest. I took a shower, straightened the house and packed Payton's bag. Around midnight or so we called Nanny and Paw to come pick up Payton because we had decided at that point that we were going to the hospital. I thought for sure that they would send me home, but I thought "better safe than sorry." When I got to the hospital, I saw that my favorite doctor, Doctor Gorman, was on call and I prayed that he would still be when I delivered you. They declared that I was, in fact, in labor. They hooked me up to all of the monitors, etc. and we were ready to have our baby! Thankfully, I got an epidural before I really felt any pain. Everything was pretty uneventful for your labor - for the most part. There was one scary moment about an hour or so before you were born. They doctors and nurses were watching your heartbeat and I guess your heart was acting kinda funny so they asked me to lay on my left side to alleviate pressure that I was putting on you. I laid that way for what seemed like hours and was starting to get sore. I really wanted to lay on my back or at least switch sides so I did. I asked your daddy and my friend Amanda (not Miss Amamba) to look at your heart monitor just to make sure you didn't freak out when I made the move. Very calmly your dad and Ms. Amanda said that you looked good. Your dad left the room about half a second later, which I Iater learned, was to run to get a nurse because your heart rate plummeted. When he got out of the door, he saw nurses running towards my room because they had seen the same thing on the monitors at the nurses station. When they got in the room, they immediately had me get on my hands and knees and threw an oxygen mask on me. I stayed that way for I don't know how long but I was extremely scared and I would have stayed that way for months if it meant keeping you safe and healthy. Pretty soon they told me I could turn back over - your heart rate got to a comfortable rate. When I turned over, my room looked like something on the set of "ER." Lights, stirrups, stainless steel trays with instruments, etc. all over the place. They decided that I was ready to push and meet my Benjamin. I only pushed for about 45 minutes and out you came - with a TON of jet black hair. You were gorgeous and healthy and here! You weighed 8lbs and were 19 inches long. My life has never been the same since that moment.

Benjamin - (here come the tears :) I am not exaggerating when I tell you that my heart SWELLS with pride when I think of you - and you are only 4! I can't wait to see the man that you will become. You are strong-willed, yet compassionate; opinonated, yet want to please. You love being outside, riding your bike, playing with your trucks, watching any movie at home. You especially love going to the movie theater. You are extremely smart and are excited about learning. I will honest and tell you that the past three months or so have been a challenge with you, but since you've turned 4, the "switch has flipped" and you are acting so much better and have a much better attitude. You love your sister and brother and they love you, too. Payton wants to dote on you all the time, and Eli wants to do exactly what you do, no matter what. I want to take this time to ask you to please stay close to your brother and sister. They will do anything for you, and I want so much for you guys to celebrate all of lifes moments together - the good and the bad; the fun and the sad. Payton and Eli will always be your friends - even in those time when you feel like you have none.

Benjamin, you have so much potential and it is my and your father's prayer that you grow up to love the Lord; that you seek Him in ALL things. I know that you will be an example to everyone that knows you well as well as those that only spend a small amount of time with you. I can't believe that God let me be your mommy. For that I will always be thankful. You are one special boy, and I love you more than you will ever know, although I will never stop trying to show you.

Busy but FUN Weekend!

The Pearsons were crazy busy this weekend, but it was a good one!

I landed in NWA on Thursday night around 9:00 or 9:30 to find that it was raining and had been all week. But I wasn't going to let that drown my excitement about finally being home to my family!
I was so tired, but got my second wind when I saw my sweet husband pull up at the airport parking lot. He had to come pick me up since his truck was dead when I tried to start it :) I was hoping to have a "short" day on Friday since I had traveled on Sunday and had worked long days while I was in NY, but that didn't happen. After I got off work, Roy and I fed the kids quickly and then dropped them off at church for Friday Night Out. I didn't really want to do that because I had just spent four nights away from them, but we had to run errands to get things for Payton's 8th birthday party! This is where the fun comes in. We went down to Fayetteville to visit Party City where we could get all that we needed for party favors, plates, napkins and balloons. Payton was soooo excited about her party and as I thought about her excitement the more excited I got about buying the stuff for it! I think birthdays are so important and should be celebrated in a special way!
Payton had 7 of her friends over for games, food, cake and ice cream and I hope it was a party that she will always remember. The girls showed up and my boys just had a blast with them. They chased the girls up and down the stairs and thought that Payton's friends were there to see them! Once they ran around for a bit, we started the games.
Here is a run down of what we played (courtesy the internet :)

• "Guess How Many" - I filled a glass jar with M&M's and had them guess how many were in the jar. The winner got to take home the M&Ms
• "Shoveling Snow" - You put a dab of Vaseline on the girls' noses and have them pick up cotton balls with their nose and drop it in a bowl, all the while their hands are behind their back. The first one to get all of the cotton balls in the bowl wins the game.
• "Digging for Gum" - This was the most fun, I think. I placed four gumballs on a paper plate and covered the gum with whipped cream. The girls had to dig for the gumballs with their mouths and the first one to get all four gumballs won the game. Again, their hands had to be behind their back. It was hilarious!
• Then we did your traditional "Pin the Cell Phone in the Girls Hand" and had a pinata that Roy had to tear open because it was too darn hard for the girls to bust with a baseball bat!

We did take pictures, but apparently I don't believe that pictures belong on a blog seeing as how this is my 11th or 12th post and I've not put one picture on here. After the party we cleaned up a little, and then went over to Rob and Charity Holman's house to watch the Hogs play Georgia. It was a great game and we had a great time just sitting and hanging out with them. They have a little boy that is eight months younger than Benjamin and is in Ben's preschool class. Carter and Ben love each other so much, and Eli loves to run with the big boys! Payton is always so patient with all of the boys so it's nice to have her be the "baby-sitter" while we sit in the next room and catch up.

Of course, we got up on Sunday and went to church, came home, had lunch and TOOK A NAP!!! Even I took a nap which I NEVER, EVER, NEVER do. I was so tired that I just didn't have a choice. I slept when the boys slept so it was a good hour nap. Boy did I need it!

Now, on to prepare for Benjamin's party on Saturday and Eli's the following Saturday! It can be a lot of work, but I know the kids will have a blast and hopefully, remember these fun times with their friends and family. My mom is going to try to come in town for Benjamin's party. It will be a good time! Maybe I'll get some pictures up for that post...

or maybe not.

Crazy Love

I've just started the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, and it is fantastic! There are many points that he's made that I underlined but the one that has hit home (so far) is this one: "Both worry and stress reek of arrogance." Ok. Wow. My two biggest strongholds - worry and stress. The Bible says that the Lord can do nothing with pride and arrogance, and here I am being the most arrogant I can be by worrying and stressing out. I will say that I don't stress all the time, but I do worry ALL OF THE TIME. That was part of my problem the other night with getting ready for this trip to NYC. I worried about flying, leaving Roy at home to care for the kids, house, himself as well as get to work, soccer and church. I worry that something will happen to me while I'm here or something will happen to the kids while they're there. Chan also writes: "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control." The control thing is why I worry. If I worry then I feel like I will be prepared for whatever might happen. Stressing out only creates disruption in our relationships. This is what I was referring to in one of my earlier posts about being overwhelmed and taking it all out on my husband and children.


"God will ensure my success in accordance with His plan, not mine."

God of this city

Tonight is my first night in the Big Apple - first night of four. I am glad that I'm here even though I don't love getting ready for this (work) trip and I really don't like being away from my family, but I do appreciate this city. Each time I'm here I wish Roy were here too so that we could see the sights and be the typical tourists (minus the fanny packs :). I know he would love it, and it would be awesome to experience this city with your love. I also get excited about taking my kids here when they are older so they can appreciate a city that has so much to offer. New York City appreciates and flourishes in diversity and culture. Though this city, as well as other big and small cities, has it's problmes (homelessness, crime, drugs, etc.) I was reminded as I flew over the landscape that no matter what happens, He is still the God of this city and every city, town, township, community that you are sleeping in tonight.

"There is no one like our God. For greater things have yet come and greater things are still to be done in this city."

9-11-01

Though this day 8 years ago was one of tragedy, sadness and terror it is also a day of happiness and celebration for my family. Payton Diann Pearson was born on 9/11 at 4:11 and weighed 7.11. Pretty cool, huh? I, of course, had no part or was even aware that Payton or Roy existed on the day she was born, but I am so happy this day happened! As a sidenote, I did meet Roy 3 days later and actually saw pictures of Payton in the hospital at that meeting. I had no idea then that that man and that sweet baby girl would be the beginning of the life I had prayed for. I will go into details of my and Roy's courtship at a later date. This post is about Payton :)
Payton - first let me tell you how much I love and adore you. You are such a sweet, heartfelt and caring little girl. You are always so patient with your brothers and love being their big sister. They love you, too! I will explain this to you when you are older so that you may understand it better, but I want you to know that before I met your father, I prayed that I would find a man who loved the Lord, loved his children and wanted to be a family man - home each night, home on the weekends, coaching soccer, and the like. I never thought that I would marry someone who already had children. I actually didn't think your dad was the "one" when we first met, but the more I prayed the more I heard the still, small voice say his name. I think the Lord lead me to your dad because the Lord knew he was the man I needed, but He also knew that I needed YOU. I am so proud of you and can't wait to watch you blossom into the young woman that I know God intends for you to be. I love the fact that you always want to read your Bible with your dad each night, that you not only take your Bible to church on Sundays but that's it's always accompanied by a notebook and a pencil. You seek to know more about Jesus and I pray that your zeal for seeking His face will continue. Thank you for making me a better mom. It is my prayer that I am the woman and and the example that you need me to be. Happy Birthday Tater! I love you!

Overwhelmed

I am completely overwhelmed. In the good way and in the bad way. Is that possible?

This time of the year is so crazy for me. Last weekend I was busy with Run for a Child. This weekend I'm leaving for NY for work until the following Thursday. The Saturday after I get back is Payton's birthday party at the house. The weekend after Payton's party is Benjamin's party. The weekend after Benjamin's party is Eli's party. Not to mention my sister's, husband's and brother's birthdays are somewhere in between there! I hate scrambling. I hate feeling like I get nothing accomplished. I really hate being away from my family for four nights and I hate even more missing church in order to get to a MEETING in NYC by 1:00 - ON A SUNDAY! I have piles of laundry that need to be folded and more piles that need to be put away and even more piles that need to be washed! I feel like I don't ever do anything well and that is really irritating. And when I get irritated I get impatient which means that I take it out on my poor children and husband. I got visibly irritated with Benjamin the other evening for asking me to get him a glass of chocolate milk; and when he saw my reaction he said, "Are you just doing your best, mama?" I wanted to cry because I made him feel bad for asking my help on something that he can't do alone; and I also wanted to cry because he could see that I was doing my best on a day when I knew nobody thought I was doing all I could do.

I am overwhelmed in a good way because I know that our Heavenly Father can see that we are doing our best even when we think no one else does. He knows our hearts and our desires and no matter how bad or good the day has been He has been there with us! I am overwhelmed at the grace that He shows me each day when I get to pick up my sweet, healthy and happy boys from pre-school even after I complain about doing their laundry, cleaning their rooms and getting their chocolate milk. He has blessed me with the house that I clean, the food that I cook and the family that I love so much it hurts. You see I only have to give my time and my energy each day, but God had to give his Son! He had to watch his sweet, healthy and happy boy be beaten, spat upon, flogged and ultimately hung on a cross so that we might complain and ask why but also so that we would be forgiven. It's overwhelming to me that He loved me so much that He would do that!

Sometimes being overwhelmed is a good thing - no wait being overwhelmed is a great thing when you realize that you are overwhelmed because of all of the "stuff" you've been given. So I will be happy that I am leaving on Sunday for NYC because leaving means that I have a healthy family at home and a job that respects me enough to want me at this meeting. I will be happy that I have three birthday parties to throw in three weekends because that means I have three children who have lived another year and have friends with which they can celebrate.

Thank you, Father, for your blessings and for every bit of the "stuff" that you've given me. I am overwhlemed by You.

More (much more) on this later...

BEING A STEPMOM IS HARD!!! Sometimes I have no idea where I stand, what my place is, and if I'm doing everything wrong! Ugggh. I don't know anyone that is in my situation and I could really use some help here!

I didn't like it!

I always thought I would love the nights that my husband and I would have with just the two of us at home while our kids were having a sleepover with friends or other family members for a night or two. We have some time until Benjamin and Eli fly the coop to stay at Cooper's house, but Payton doesn't look back when Jentry calls her for a sleepover or Aunt Jenny wants to take her for the evening for a "girls night out." But Payton is our oldest so when she leaves us to "go have more fun" we are still at home with our boys.



It doesn't happen often that Roy and I have the boys AND Payton to be gone for the night while he and I stay at home, but that opportunity arose this past weekend. My incredible, passionate and caring man and I are on the committee for a local charity that hosts a run each year on Labor Day. This year was the sixth year, and each year we have more and more participants which means more logistical work, etc. All of the money we raise from the sponsorhsips and the registrations go to a local charity, and Roy and I have a heart for the kids at the Northwest Arkansas Children's Shelter. Well kids in any shelter really, but this event helps kids in that shelter specifically. Anywho, last night we had a dinner to go to for our sponsors and then had to be on site at 5:00 this morning. As I mentioned before we are both involved with Run for a Child and both have to be present in the morning which means that our kiddos have to go somewhere else for the night/next morning. Payton went back to her mother's house on Sunday after church so the boys spent the night with my sister Amanda, afectionately called "Miss Amamba." I dropped the boys off yesterday afternoon around 5:00 with no drama or tears whatsoever so I knew we were off to a good start. Of course, Miss Amamba had bought several pounds of legos to keep them occupied while I snuck off. I was excited for them because I know how much my sister loves my kiddos AND this was Eli's first time to spend the night at her house.



I'm going to be honest and say that I was looking forward to coming home from dinner and getting to go to bed exactly when I wanted to. I didn't have to give anyone a bath, a glass of water, three hugs and three kisses, be told a scary ghost story, cut a hang nail or listen to another secret that Benjanin has for me to hear. I do love our nights with the kids but honestly the incessant excuses get a little frustrating :) It was even more important for us to go to bed when we wanted to because we had to go to bed earlier than usual since we had to get up earlier than usual (like 4:15 am!). So here's the point that will explain the title of my post: Even though I was excited about coming home from dinner, brushing my teeth and hittin' they hay, I really didn't like not having my kids here!! I had the hardest time falling asleep which is soooo not me. Now let me be the first to say that if Roy and I had just come home from dinner in Paris or Cabo or some other fabulous location I may not have had the same problem. But the bottom line is I missed all of the things that I usually want to pull my hair out for on any other night of the week. The most surprising thing about the way I felt is that this wasn't the first time they kids have had to be away on the Sunday night before Labor Day because Roy and I have done this together for the past three years. I guess because I'm getting to know them more and more as the years go on the more I miss them when they aren't with me. I love to see Payton interact with her brothers. Benjamin has the most active imagination and it's awesome to watch it come to life. Eli is sucha treat to watch run around the house and try to keep up with his big brother and big sister.



I'm typing all of this I guess because I always have a hard time believing how fast my kids are growing up. Payton and Benjamin both have September birthdays with Eli's the first week of October. This time of the year is bittersweet for me, and I just don't want my kids to grow so fast!



Payton, Benjamin and Eli - you three are my pride and joy. I know it's cliche but it's true. I think of you guys all day long and pray that I am the mother that you need. Although it's hard to believe how fast you are growing up, your father and I are having a blast watching your personalities develop and shine. I love you!